The Johnnys vs. The Underdogs

In the most general breakdown, my definition of ‘bullies’ are individuals who hurt people

intentionally without provocation. As far as bullies go, whether real or imagined, the royal crown

of this identified role must go to Johnny Lawrence from The Karate Kid. However, I have found

with everyday bullies: they come in different shapes and sizes and are not always so easy to spot.

For some, these might be family members, who antagonize, provoke, create chaos among

the family unit. The other ones, however, that exist around everyday life are a bit more subtle: a

boss or manager verbally berating someone for supposed ‘incompetence’, an acquaintance, or

friend taking jokes way too far.

Like most of us, the first experience of real bullies was introduced in middle

school—starting to learn the idea of who would be accepting of me in life; there would be allies,

deterrers and others in between. Deciphering the right people and from the wrong ones has been

part of that is why I have spent the last 15 years of my career working with teenagers. Guiding

them through waters that were difficult for me and helping them so avoid emotional pitfalls that

most of us stumble into throughout our lives.

In adulthood, I continued to seek out real connections with people. I focused more on

people who were equally as open minded; I realized I could be more selective in who I became

friends with. I was wisely told once, “You want to know something about someone? Show me

their friends.” I then avoided and passed by anyone who held their noses up high, who would

make inappropriate or rude comments; I only took a stand when necessary.

When I stopped drinking, I had no patience or tolerance for people who used intimidation

or aggression to instill fear, or people who felt that being under the influence of alcohol or drugs

gave them the right to treat people any way they wanted to.

I found groups of friends who changed everything for me: they accepted me-flaws and

all, appreciated what I had to offer, enjoyed my presence. I joined the real world: started graduate

school, joined the workforce. Finally, I thought, in the real world, bullies would be nonexistent.

Eventually, I realized that the ‘Cobra Khai’ types sort of follow you everywhere you go in

life. There will always be ‘Johnnys’ laughing in your face, trying to embarrass you, or acting as

though they are too important to interact with you. And maybe it’s not about avoiding anyone

who exhibits these traits, but instead learning how to get through it, survive it, confront it and

stand up for yourself when required.

Today, I try to take people to task when I disagree with their outlook on life that seems

discriminatory or tasteless. And I prefer not to do it on a public forum or on social media;

instead, I try have a real conversation between myself and the other person, avoiding electronic

communication to address my reactions, thoughts and feelings. I have spent some time and will

continue to in teaching my son how to defend himself, physically and mentally; but not to be an

instigator of such behavior. I find it important for him to know the difference between having

thick skin and knowing when to respond back.

Our world is filled with larger than life, two faced bullies; and the way to deal with them

is to defend ourselves, sometimes others, and not let people make you feel negatively about

yourself, or that you are not good enough. Regardless of the shine in someone’s hair, or the

glistening bronze from their tan; we all are people inside and put our pants on one leg at a time.

No one is better than anyone else, no matter where you are from, what college you went to, what

profession you are in. Inside, we are all the same, no better or worse. I try to live like that, most

days at least, imperfectly at best.

So to all the Danny Larussos’ and Mr. Miyagi’s out there: keep fighting the good fight.

Perhaps if you happen to run into ‘Johnny’, from Cobra Khai, be sure to give them a head nod

from me, right before you sweep the leg.

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